Désolé, mon amour
by tuemungous
Summary: Set during S2, after an argument Delphine has a lot of apologising to do and Cosima has to figure out her feelings for the woman who keeps lying to her. One-Shot.


Usual disclaimers apply; _nothing belongs to me._  
This takes place in season two so I guess there might be spoilers if you haven't seen it all yet.

Please review it, lemme know if it's any good.  
_**Enjoy**_

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Delphine dropped the end of her cigarette before angrily stamping it out and kicking it over the edge of the balcony. Sighing inwardly as she tried to convince herself to finally go back inside. Cosima would still be mad, and rightfully so. The french woman was aware of that much. Knowing that it's all your own fault doesn't make it any easier to deal with near constant arguments and the consequent mistrust though.

Inside the small apartment Cosima was sat at a desk - trying and failing miserably to work at her laptop. How was she supposed to concentrate on any work when Delphine had been outside crying and chain smoking for close to two hours now. Hadn't she run out of smokes by now? She'd had long enough- it was time for her to come back inside and start apologising some more so Cosima could remember how to feel angry and stop feeling... Like this sad mess of a woman who had spent two hours sat at her laptop wishing she could have Delphine with her, wishing she could be surrounded by her soft embrace.

Why did Delphine have to keep fucking up like this? All Cosima wanted was to be able to trust the woman and she was always making it so difficult. A large part of Cosima understood why Delphine hadn't wanted to tell her that Dyad had been using Kiras DNA- of course she was going to have a bad reaction to that news, and of course Delphine would want to avoid that. She couldn't move past the it though, another lie to add to Delphines ever-growing list.

"Ma chérie? Cosima?"

The soft voice gave Cosima a start, she'd been so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she hadn't heard Delphine coming inside. She spun her office chair around to face the frowning french woman leaning up against a wall just a few feet away.

"You finally worked up the courage to actually come inside? Kudos."

Delphine ducked her head, cheeks burning, and Cosima noticed the tracks of tears on her face. She sighed internally as she worked on taking some of the bite out of her tone- God only knows why she felt bad for upsetting the woman who lied to her. "I'm sorry, that was unnecessary."

"Non, Cosima. You are right. I am sorry, I just, mon Dieu, I am so sorry Cosima. Je suis Désolé, for everything. I am sorry that I keep doing these stupid things that I then have to apologise for, I..."

She took a small step forward and swept a hand through her hair before continuing. "I make terrible choices and I should never have believed in the Dyad, I know that now. I am sorry for it all, I should have told you what Leekie was doing as soon as I found out but it was working Cosima! I could not bear the thought of you finding out and cancelling the treatment chérie. I was selfish and I truly regret what I did but I cannot lose you Cosima, please."

Delphine took another step forward, moving to kneel in front of Cosima in her chair. "I promise I did not know beforehand that the stem cell line they used came from Kira. If I had known earlier I hope I would have said something. It is just that you had a such a good reaction to it by the time I found out, and I cannot watch you get sicker when I know that there is something we can do. Cosima, I can live with you hating me and never speaking to me again, I cannot live with you getting sicker and dying when there is something that we can do about it, please." Fresh tears starting making their way down Delphines face now and her hand blindly reached out towards Cosima's, tangling their fingers together.

The dark haired girl looked down at their joined hands as she took in Delphine's words.

"Delphine." Her voice was quiet and sad as she pulled her hand away from the french woman's and met her eyes, shaking her head slightly. "I know you thought... I think you thought you were doing the right thing." She gave a hollow laugh "I actually do believe that you've always done what you thought at the time was the right thing-" Shaking her head again she wheeled her chair back and stood, looking down at the still kneeling Delphine. "Delphine, that doesn't matter, it doesn't change anything. You still lied, again. I can't, I mean how am I supposed to trust you?"

The french woman nodded numbly, head down as she murmured her agreement.

"You need to respect that this is my choice, okay? Me. I'm living this. I am the Dyad's little science pet, and I am sick. I get to say what happens to me, I make all the choices. And they should be informed choices, I should be the one to know all the angles." She breathed out angrily, before pausing and trying to control her breathing so she didn't break down into a coughing fit. "I'm sure, well, I hope, that you thought you were doing the right thing Delphine. I get it, I do, if this whole situation was reversed I think maybe I'd have done the same thing. After everything we've already been through though, I can't handle being lied to anymore. Not by you."

Delphine nodded again, tears streaming down her face. "I know, Cosima. I, I am just so scared- I am scared I will lose you." She reached for Cosima's hand again, flinching when Cosima quickly pulled both her hands out of the french woman's reach. "I know that I can never apologise enough-"

"No, yeah, you're right, you can't." Cosima let the anger back into her tone now, her sharp words causing the french woman in front of her to wince.

"Cosima, I do not know what to say, I cannot bear the thought of watching you die. It will break my heart Cosima, I love you too much to bear."

Delphines hand flew to her face even as she spoke. She shakily stood and turned away from Cosima, from the overwhelming feelings she had not admitted out loud before.

Cosima watched Delphine move away from her, eyes wide with shock. Neither of them had ever actually said those words out loud before- always skirting around them. They told each other how much they cared, how much they meant to each other, but both of them had been careful to avoid the L word. She'd certainly never expected Delphine to be the first to say it. She inched slowly towards the taller woman, reaching to pull the blonde around to face her.

"Delphine?" The dreadlocked scientist moved a shaking hand to pull down the fingers Delphine still had covering her mouth, as if scared she'd accidentally say more. "Really? I mean, do you- is that..." She trailed off, the questions falling incomplete from her lips.

Delphine finally met her eyes, and Cosima was taken aback by the mix of fear and love in them.

"Vraiment? Je ne..." Delphine gave a small smile and her hands moved, one holding Cosima's face and the other clinging to her sweater. "Oui, bien sûr Cosima, with all of my heart. Since the first day I met you. I am so sorry for every lie I ever told, please believe that. You are everything to me Cosima, my entire world. Je t'aime."

Cosima pulled the older woman down into a searing kiss, her hands moving to clutch at her shirt, pulling her closer.

"Me too, God, I love you too." She spoke through the kisses before pulling away slightly to speak again. "Delphine, I, I don't know what to do, what to think. I love you, I don't know right now if I trust you, but I love you. I'm sorry-"

"Non." Delphine quickly interrupted her. "Mon Dieu, non, you have nothing to apologise for- I am so sorry my love." She wiped a tear away from the younger womans face gently before resting her forehead against her shoulder and letting herself go, sobbing uncontrollably as she tried to explain her feelings. "I am so sorry and I love you so much. I have been so scared Cosima, I cannot lose you, I will not survive. I should have told you, I know that. I knew that the moment I found out, but I was so scared you would stop the treatment and you cannot do that to me, please mon amour." She pulled herself back to hold Cosima's face with both hands, her eyes begging. "I need you."

Cosima dropped her eyes and gave a small sigh. She turned her face to kiss at Delphines palm before moving to place a chaste kiss on her lips. "I don't know what I'll do yet, but this disease isn't going to take me without a fight, I can promise that much at least." Her hand moved, of its own accord, winding its way into blonde curls. "I need you to be stronger Delphine, you need to be honest with me. About everything. I'm the dying one here, at the very least you should be able to trust that I want me to live as much as you do, okay?" She gave a wry smile as she spoke and Delphine chuckled dryly at her statement.

"Okay."

Cosima nodded, before tilting her head up towards Delphine again, catching her lips in another kiss. Slower this time, she took the time to explore the french woman, everything felt slightly different now, more electric. She was still angry with her, she still didn't know if it was safe to trust her completely. She did trust that Delphine truly loved her though, and she did know that she had fallen completely in love in return.

Her hands started roaming as the kiss grew more and more heated and with a small moan Cosima started to press forwards, pushing Delphine until she stepped back and fell against the wall. A protesting whimper escaped Delphine when Cosima pulled away from the kiss, turning into a groan as the shorter woman lent in again and kissed a trail down her jaw and neck instead, biting down and leaving marks along the way.

Neither of them were really sure if this was going to become hot-angry-make-up-sex or we-just-finally-said-we-loved-each-other-sex but Cosima didn't care in that moment. She started working on the buttons of Delphine's shirt, pulling it off in a few quick moves. Delphine took the chance while Cosima was distracted with her shirt to reach for the bottom of Cosima's sweater, pulling it up and off of the shorter woman before pushing her back half a step to take in the view, eyes dark with want.

They were both breathing heavily as they paused to drink in the sight of each other. Delphine gently moved her hand towards Cosima's waist, pulling her close again and dipping her head to meet her in another kiss, softer this time, more caring. She brought her other hand up and tangled it in the brunettes dreadlocks while Cosima's hands moved to divest Delphine of her bra.

"Lit?" Delphine whispered between kisses as she started to push back against the small woman. "The bedroom, amour."

Cosima nodded silently and started to move towards the other room, dragging Delphine along with her and making sure their lips never parted for longer than a second.

By the time they made it to the bed Cosima had wriggled out of her jeans and was working on the zip of Delphine's slacks. She stopped to push Delphine down on the bed and moved to pull the trousers off, Delphine helpfully lifting her hips so Cosima could easily pull them down and off her long legs. After throwing the trousers behind her and removing her glasses Cosima began to crawl up the older woman's body, placing small kisses on the bare flesh as she made her way up to meet Delphine in a hungry kiss. Biting down on Delphine's bottom lip, she reveled in the noise the french woman made.

Delphines hands meandered across Cosima's body, one reaching behind to unclasp her bra while the other reached for her shoulder to pull on one of the straps. Cosima quickly got the hint and pulled it off, launching it into a far corner of the room before focusing her concentration on the woman below her again. She moved down, kissing sweetly at the marks she'd left earlier down the column of Delphine's pale neck before moving further and teasing the french womans breasts. Delphine let out another groan and pushed her thigh into Cosima's centre, amazed at the heat she found there.

"Cos... Cosima... Please."

Cosima hummed in response, to busy to speak. Biting down on Delphine's skin she left another mark on her breast before she began to move again, moving one hand down to hold Delphine's hip in place while she slowly licked a trail down her body. She could feel Delphines hips trying to move underneath her, searching in vain to find some friction to save her from Cosima's teasing touch.

"Cosima!"

Delphine's needy voice wasn't going to get the response she wanted from the shorter woman, so she pushed her thigh into Cosima's centre again, drawing out a long moan from the other woman. Delphine felt Cosima smile against her skin and finally the shorter woman dipped her hand that little bit further, just where Delphine needed her, her tongue following seconds later.

Bringing Delphine to the release she so desperately needed took almost no time at all for the skilled scientist. She knew exactly how to bring Delphine to to that edge, she knew to hold her afterwards as she came down from her high and she knew to gently wipe away the few tears that formed.

"I love you."

"Je sais." Delphine smiled lazily down at the girl now tightly cuddled up to her side. "Je sais, et je t'aime. I love you too ma chérie." She kissed Cosima's forehead gently before her smile grew into a grin and she pushed herself up before straddling the other woman. "permettez-moi de tu montrer mon amour."

They had many issues to sort out still, but both Cosima and Delphine knew that tonight would not be night or talking and sorting out problems. If nothing else, they would make memories. Their future was unsure enough to terrify them, but for a few more hours they could ignore that and escape into each other.

"I don't know what that means, but I like the look in your eyes when you say it."

"Cheeky brat." Delphine lent down, her hot breath on Cosima's neck causing a shiver to go up Cosima's spine. A mewl escaped her as Delphine whispered into her ear "I am going to show you just how much I love you, Cosima."

She sat back up again and Cosima was looking up at her with dark eyes and flushed cheeks, biting her bottom lip. Delphine took a moment to sear the image into her mind, whatever happened in their future, this picture of Cosima she would remember forever.

_lets make some memories._

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_Hope you liked it, please review it and let me know what you think._  
_I don't have a beta so if there are any mistakes its on me, and my french is basic and awful so same goes there._  
_xoxo_


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